I am a high priestess of the Order of the Unicorn; a sacred group kept secret for thousands of years. The Order’s members are dedicated solely to the care and keeping of real live Unicorns; kept safe from poachers in basements, hidden rooms and garages. Our purpose in keeping these delicate animals alive is twofold, one we are greedy bastards and two we want to keep the lights on.
You see, it is the anal secretions and flatulence of the real life Unicorn that will be the energy source of the future! It is indeed the magical poofs and plops of power that keep our stereos singing and night-lites night-lighting. For years only select members of the Order of the Unicorn have been privy to such age old secrets, keeping the mythical magical methane producers under wraps quite literally to collect the powerful put out of the one horned magicians. But now a betrayal of the highest kind has occurred, the secret has been revealed!
Tee companies, Nerdy Shirts and Threadless have issued tees that tell the undeniable truth that not only are Unicorns real, but you should watch for what emerges from their bums, because it’s magic!
Damn You, Nerdy Shirts for your “Magic!” shirt and it’s telling description and to Hell with Threadless who exposes the turdulent movements of the Unicorn to indeed be magically delicious in “Marshmallow Factory“.
KEEP ONE EYE OPEN YOUR DECEIVERS, FOR THE UNICORNS RIDE AT NIGHT AND WILL POKE OUT YOUR OPEN EYE WITH THEIR HORNS OR OUR FINGERS!
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